


Take me home where I belong- I can't take it anymore

by felix_8felicis



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Fire/Explosion, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Lee Minho | Lee Know-centric, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felix_8felicis/pseuds/felix_8felicis
Summary: “Hyung” he cuts Chan’s voice, unknowing what the older had been babbling about in a frantic panicked voice. “The bus I took. It crashed. Hyung I’m so scared”‘Please, hug me.’He wants to say. Heavy droplets cascade down his cheeks. He turns his head to the side. A camera is filming him. He stares at it.“Where are you? Tell me where you are, Hyung is on his way where are you?”Minho doesn’t understand what he’s saying. He’s in darkness and pain, isn’t that obvious?or where Minho wakes up in the snow, bleeding and having not a single idea where he is or what happened. That is, until he comes face to face with a bus crash. What's happening to him?
Relationships: Lee Minho | Lee Know & Bang Chan, Lee Minho | Lee Know & Everyone, No Romantic Relationship(s), Platonic Relationship(s)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 251





	Take me home where I belong- I can't take it anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by Aurora- Runaway,  
> Warning, you're going to cry.

It’s cold.

A freezing, heart piercing cold stabbing his chest each time his lungs expands to take more air in.

It feels like a glacial rush of ice is running through his veins, turning his bones unto frozen sticks of ice.

Minho blinks, trying in vain to clear his blurred vision. The sky is dark; it’s a starless night only illuminated by a full moon. Snow is steadily falling on his body, resplendent dancing cottons falling from the sky, as if trying to bury the stain that he is in this perfectly designed whiteness. His whole body is heavy, numbed by the coldness. Minho wants to close back his eyes and fall asleep. To let himself succumb to the abyss trying to drag him underneath.

It's so _cold_.

But there’s a nagging voice inside his head. A disturbing itch in his mind telling him that this deathly silence is not normal. Even in their dorm, when everyone is finally in their beds asleep, there’s the sound of either Chan’s snoring or the calming breathing of his members around him. The rhythmic tic tac of the clock or the passing cars outside his window. It’s never this _empty_.

Minho forces his hand to move, but all he manages to do is twitch his fingers. He turns his head to the side, grimacing at the strident pain setting fire to his nerves. It’s heavy, everything is so heavy. The view that smiles at him when his eyes go back to focus is a snowed ground. Painted red. The dancer grimaces, and a gasped breath sends another wave of electricity to his chest traveling to his neck. Realization drowns unto him as if someone had grasped his hair and forced him to go underwater, liters of water breaking in his lungs. A sudden fist of coughs shakes his body, strangling and suffocating him like the phantom salty sea waters drowning his lungs like a pool. A rush of adrenaline pushes him to the side, making him lay on his stomach as he pushes his palms on the snow. A fountain of red liquid jumps out his mouth, scratching his throat on its way out.

Grunting, he slowly sits up, the simple action leaving him panting. He takes the time to look around him.

He’s not home. Minho is not home.

Tall trees are surrounding him, dressed by a heavy coat of snow. Where he had been laying on the cold merciless ground, are scarlet spots; the biggest one located where his head had been and another one where he had coughed the blood out of his body. Now that he has moved, his whole body is shooting him with pain. His clothes are damp and dirty, stinking to his frame like if it made one with his skin. A buzzing has replaced the silence in his ears, and when he tries to stand up, a wave of dizziness almost sends him crumbling back to the ground.

_Where the fuck am I?_

The sound of a child crying makes his head whip around. It’s a tearing piercing cry filled with utter pain.

Minho ignores his fingers that are numb from the cold and forces his legs to move toward the sound.

The edge of the forest takes him to a road. He stumbles backward at the horror movie like scene painting itself in front of his eyes. Incrusting his memories like a red iron burn. His mouth opens as if to let out a scream who falls silent. A bus is rolled to its side, dark smoke dispersing in the fogged night sky. The windows are broken, sharp pieces of glass surrounding the crime scene. The metal is bended in odd directions, as if someone had grabbed a baseball bat and smashed it.

The buzzing in his ears tenfold, the shock sending him crumbling to the floor and scratching his knees. The road is empty, dark, as if everyone had run away and decided not to witness the horror unfolding in front of Minho’s eyes. The cries suddenly turn unto violent sobs, snapping his attention to somewhere else.

A child is sitting on the gravel, a couple of feet away from the bus. It’s a little girl with a pink and white dress darkened by ashes. Her long jet-black hair is cascading on her bruised and bleeding shoulders, a red ribbon inches from falling off her hair. The dress used to be beautiful. Especially bought from a shop window to be worn on a special occasion and make its owner proudly wear it. But the little girl isn’t smiling. The dress isn’t making her look prettier nor has it been used to a particularly joyful party or holiday. Instead, it’s showcasing what could have been. If this child hadn’t taken this specific bus, she could have been proud of her stunningly sparkling dress. She could have lived on with her life and wouldn’t be crying out in sorrow in the middle of a dark road at the edge of a forest; no one miles around to hear and whip her tears. It’s cruel, and tragically ugly.

Minho wants to sit beside her and cry. He wants someone else to be here to offer help and take decisions instead of him. Maybe if he turns back around, he can fall back asleep with the bloodshot snow as a blanket and successfully convince his brain that he is still in the warmness of his dorm. All of this has to be an illusion. Minho must be dreaming, stuck inside a nightmare that hurts far more than any of the ones he had. The little girl must only be an hallucination; the child part of himself crying for a pain that the grown-up Minho isn’t allowed to express. Isn’t allowed to show to others.

His legs move forward, ripping him from his shocked state. He lets himself fall in front of the child, physically unable to carefully sit down. He hesitantly reaches his hand, recoils it back, and then settles it on her left shoulder. She lifts her big round tearful eyes toward him, the surprise of another presence in front of her momentarily halting her cries.

“H-hey it’s alright, I’m here now don’t- don’t cry. It’s going to be okey”

It’s not going to be alright. It’s not going to be okey. Minho is lying between his teeth. Spitting lies to a kid only begging to be comforted. He doesn’t know if either of them will be able to survive. Even if one of them does, Minho has no idea if they’ll ever be able to overcome it. He doesn’t know who the little girl is going to lose tonight. A mother? A brother? Both her parents? Her innocence? And then what? Things aren’t going to be fine. It will tear her apart, destroy her. The fact that Minho is besides her won’t change anything. He is powerless. Weak. As much as her. What will his presence ever do? _‘It’s going to be alright’_ such empty meaningless white lies, but Minho doesn’t know what to tell her. Aren’t those words only used when there’s nothing else to say? 

“M-my mom” the girl hiccups, newborn tears spilling on her cheeks infected by ashes. “My mommy is in there” her whimpers resonate inside Minho like a loud sound in an empty theatre. He reaches forward, engulfing her small body in his arms. “I’m sorry” he mumbles in her hair. “I’m so sorry”

“Please” she begs, pushing him away with her small fists. “Please help my m-mommy. She went back in-inside to-to help out grandma pl-please”

Minho recoils back and glances behind him. There are people inside the bus, but he can’t see anyone moving. He turns around to the child. “I promise I’m going to get your mommy okey? I promise but you have to stop crying. You are a big girl aren’t you? You need to be strong” he whips her tears as best as he can, but it only manages to stain her cheeks with blood that he only now notices his hands are glazed with. He fumbles with his pockets, begging that his phone is somewhere with him. “Don’t cry okey? What’s your name?” he tries to remove the blood with his sleeve, but it doesn’t really make things better.

“Hyunjin” the girl hiccups, her tears coming to a slow halt. She holds out 5 fingers. “I- I am this much”

Minho finally manages to find his phone in a zipped pocket of his jacket. He audibly sighs in relief, removing his vest and helping the little girl wear it. On her body, it’s almost as long as her dress. “What a beautiful name to a gorgeous girl. My younger brother is called Hyunjin too, but you’re prettier than him.”

Oh how he wishes he could be with Hyunjin right now. He could give anything just to be able to be in his presence. The sudden reminder of his life outside this nightmare brings tears to his eyes. He bits his lips and quickly blink them away, forming 911 and bringing the phone to his ear.

“911 what’s your emergency? Police or ambulance?” a female voice says in his ear, and it’s almost a relief to have a contact with the outside world.

His mouth opens multiple times, at a loose of words. What is really happening right now? He glances down at Hyunjin and holds her hand.

“B-both. Both please.”

“Alright give me your location and they’ll be on their way”

Minho looks around them. He doesn’t have a single idea. How are help supposed to come if he himself doesn’t know where he is? “I-I don’t know” he says in a weakened and terrified voice. He drags Hyunjin unto his arms, so she won’t witness the war of emotions hunting his face. She gratefully clings to his shirt, her chest heaving in contained sobs. “I- I don’t know we-we are in the middle of a road. There’s a forest to my right side and a cliff to my left. I- I don’t know where we are please, I don’t know”

The voice behind the phone keeps a steady unbothered tone. “It’s alright sir we’re going to find you. Just keep talking to me in the phone we will be able to locate you. Help are on their way. Can you tell me your name, birthdate and what happened?”

“Lee Minho, 25 October 1998. T-there’s a bus it-” his hand is uncontrollably shaking, almost making him drop the phone. “It’s rolled to its side. There was an accident, but I don’t know how it happened. There are people still inside please hurry up they need help”

“Can you tell me how many people are in the bus?”

Minho glances back, forcing his eyes to analyse the engine. “A-around 50? It’s a huge bus like the ones that travel far. I- it’s dark I can’t see exactly how many people are in there.”

“Perfect you’re doing amazing thank you.” It’s childish and ridiculous but her words brings some comfort and gives him more strength to keep talking. “Earlier you said ‘we’, with who are you with?”

“There’s me and Hyunjin” He looks down at the little girl who lifted her head from his chest when she heard her name being mentioned. “Hyunjin is 5. She was sitting alone in front of the accident. She’s hurt I can’t really tell how much but she can move and talk to me. I think she was in the bus with her mom who brought her out before she went back to help her grandma. Her mother is still stuck inside please come fast.”

“We are on our way. How did you arrive in the scene? Do you have a vehicle?”

Minho looks around him, confused. How did he get here? He looks for any proof that would help his memory, but he doesn’t find anything. The road, aside from the bus, is empty. “I- I don’t know. There’s only me and Hyunjin. I will let you talk to her I promised to help her mom”

“Minho no don’t go-” He lowers his phone down, putting it in Hyunjin’s hands. “Talk with the nice lady, I will go help your mommy okey?”

Hyunjin nods, making the ribbon fall off her hair. She tightens her fist on the crackled screen before bringing it to her ear. “Hello?” She asks in a small raspy voice stained by her cries. Minho lifts her up and make her sit on the grass at the edge of the forest, as far from the bus as he possibly can while still being able to keep an eye on her. The bus can explode at any moment, so he needs to act fast. He can’t let Hyunjin loose her mom. He can’t.

The bus is rolled to its side, so in order to get inside Minho has to escalade it and enter through one of the broken windows. His side and legs send electrifying waves of throbbing through his muscles, but he ignores them. He whips his hair out of his eyes, grab the edge of the vehicle for support and pull himself to the top of it. The sight inside is nothing like anything he has seen in his life. Elders, women, men and children are tossed inside. Some still attached by their seat belt, others lifelessly laying on the ground on top of each other. It’s dark, but he can still manage to see their shadowed bodies. Minho swallows down a sob that wracks his chest. He carefully slides his lower body through a window, and he let himself carefully slide inside. 

“Hyunjin’s mom? Can you hear me?”

His voice comes out as a whisper. It feels wrong to raise it, as if the laying bodies around him are simply asleep, asking not to be disturbed. A tear rolls down his cheek when he tries to move forward, not steeping on the people around him. _Oh dear god he won’t be able to do this oh please-_

He stops walking, standing on the tip of his toes on the side of a seat. He has to do this; he has to save Hyunjin’s happiness.

Minho blinks his eyes to clear his vision and repeat louder. “Hyunjin’s mom? Can you hear me? Please someone answer me”

There’s a silence before whimpering sounds reach his ears. He whips his head around, trying to look for any movement. Then, he sees her. She’s laying face first on the ground toward the front of the bus. “I see you I’m coming, I’m almost there”

He jumps above bodies, trying his best at the same time not to look at them but also not to step on anyone. It’s easy and hard, the darkness doing most of the work. When he reaches the woman, he bends down, carefully placing his hand under her back so her can help her stand up. “Hyunjin, my Hyunjin, save my Hyunjin” the woman whimpers, her storming eyes begging and pleading in a way Minho will never be able to forget. “Hyunjin is waiting outside. Just- try to stand up with me” he greets between his teeth, using all his energy to pull her up. Her arm wrapped around his neck, he grabs her waist with his other hand and is about to drag her out of the broken windshield when something stops him from moving.

Minho turns his head around in a startle. A man laying at his feet is grabbing his ankle. His face is drowned with blood, only his eyes staring at him like two sources of light in a dark abyss. “Please” he begs. “My wife and son. Please get them out please.”

“I-” Minho can’t hear his own voice in his ears. He properly looks around him for the first time since he got inside the bus. Blood is bathing the grey seats, window glasses covering the passengers in a grieving blanket. Limbs are tossed on each other, murdering any semblance of privity or personal space. None of them deserved this. It’s unfair. Horrid and poetically tragic. “MY SON JI-HOON” the man suddenly yells, tears cleaning the dried and fresh blood on their track down his neck. “HAVE MERCY HE’S 10 MY SON PLEASE”

“I’m sorry” the dancer’s voice cracks. “I will be back I promise” he tears his feet free, trying to shut down the horrid yelling of the man. He drags the woman still hanging in his side out of the windshield and unto the pavement. He should have come through this way rather than escalading the bus as it directly opens up to the road. He pulls her as far as his muscles can from the bus so her and Hyunjin won’t be too affected If the vehicle explodes.

“MOMMY” Hyunjin screams in relief, running to hide from the monsters enveloping tonight’s sky with their dark caps. Minho stands frozen in the middle of the reuniting family and the dying people in the bus. He can go and sits beside Hyunjin and her mom. No one will blame him for not risking his life to save the others. No one will know. The bus can explode at any moment, he is simply putting his safety first. He can go sit on the gravel and wrap his arms around his legs until the police comes. Isn’t that what the woman in the phone had instructed him to do? Stay away? The man’s screams come to a sudden halt, and while it should have eased Minho’s mind, another tear rolls down his cheek. How can he live with himself knowing that he could have done something? Could have saved at least one life? How can Minho possible sit back and look at them slowly and painfully die while help is nowhere to be seen?

 _Just one more_ , he says to himself. _Just one more life._

Carefully, with hurried shattered breath, his vision almost too blurry to put one foot in front of the other, he gets back inside the public transport.

The man’s eyes are open, staring without seeing at the sky outside the shattered windshield. He’s looking at him. Fixing the last of his living memory on this earth in Minho’s mind. He won’t be able to ever walk off this bus. Won’t ever be able to breath in the morning breeze. Won’t be able to hug his son one last time, or kiss goodbye his wife. He’s gone. Torn from life. Stolen. Ripped. Murdered by a fucking slippery road. He’s dead. Gone. Forever.

Minho feels empty. As empty as the man’s dead eyes. His last precious words had been directed at him, begging for the life of his son and wife. Minho will never be able to forget that look. He will never be able to forget the way he lifted the little ten years old in his arms and took him outside. He will never be able to forget the cries of the passengers, screaming for help, begging just to get to see one more morning. That father has a family waiting for him back home and needs Minho to free him from his seat belt. That student and her friend are too young for their life to tragically end in a damn car accident and need Minho to carry them on his back and get them out. That elder woman has a daughter back home who is pregnant. She needs Minho to let his own injuries bleed furthermore so she can get out of danger. He will never be able to forget any of their pleading voices. “ _Young man, please get me out, please, I can’t die yet. I can’t die yet”_

On around 50 people, Minho was able to help out 26 of them. 26 before the first explosion illuminated the dark night. 26 before he had been ejected backward, his hands and face scratching on the hard-cemented road as he rolled on the gravel. Trembling, vision going pitch black, he still pushes himself off the ground, not feeling the sharp stabbing pain in his rib cage. “No no no no no” he approaches the flaming transport, swinging right and left on dizzy unsteady legs. There is 24 people still left on the bus. 24. 24 who were still in the now burning bus. 24 innocent lives Minho has let down.

“Minho, Minho no don’t get close” 35 years old Kim who had a fiancée waiting for him back home and who Minho helped get free of two seats that had trapped him in place held him back. The younger tried to get him off. There were still people in there. There are still people in that damn fucking burning bus. “NOOOO” he screams, trashing in the older’s arms. “THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE ALIVE IN THERE NOOO”

Another explosion resonates in the sky. The bus tilts to the side by the wave of shock it generates, sending it falling off the cliff.

Minho falls on his knees. He lets escape a gashing scream, tears finally running down his cheeks freely, head pressed on the ground. His fingers dug themselves on the road, breaking his nails and skin, tainting the pavement underneath them red. It was his fault. If he had moved faster. If his head had stopped making him dizzy and his vision darkening, he could have saved one more life. One more. They were dead because of him. Some of them must have been alive, but because he hadn’t been fast enough, they had burned to death if the accident hadn’t killed them already. It hurts. It hurts so much more than anything he had ever felt. It’s as if someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and was tearing it apart with their nails. It hurts. It hurts so much. He can’t breathe it fucking _hurts_.

The defining sound of sirens makes Minho lifts his head. He blinks, hiccupping like a child as he whips at his eyes furiously. A dozen of police cars and ambulances are parking, too many people he can’t count getting out and running in their direction. The victims are all scattered on the road where Minho had helped them sit or lay down before he made yet another trip to try help _one more. One more life._

A nurse comes rushing toward him, but Minho gently pushes her hands away. “N-no please, this woman needs it more, please she’s 4 months pregnant” he says, quickly pushing himself on his feet and taking her to where 25 years old Yujin is laying with her eyes half closed.

He had learned each of the 26 people’s name as he had made conversation with each one of them to both distract himself and them.

“Please here over here!” He waves to a man with a stretcher passing by in the now crowded road. He is kneeling down beside an old man. “They will come help you and you will be able to go see your grandson. I told you, didn’t I? That you will live on to see him graduate.”

He moves on to the next person, slithering between police officers and healthcare workers. Anything to get his mind working and running. Away from the guilt scratching his insides. “Minjae and Eunjae!” He calls out to a young boy and girl sitting side by side on an ambulance as they’re being given first aid for their bruises on their foreheads. “I didn’t cry! I was a big girl and didn’t cry at all!” Eunjae says with a grin on her lips. Minho pats her head when he is close enough. “I’m proud of you. Where is your father?” he asks looking around him. “They took him first. The nice lady said we will go soon as well.” Minjae responds, squeezing his twin sister’s hand.

“Both of you were so strong! I’m so proud. Can you go lie down in the stretchers behind you? I will treat your friend over here and we can go all together to the hospital” the nurse says, taking a step back. When the kids have headed inside the ambulance, the woman grabs his arm and makes him sit down. “Your turn, sit”

“N-no I’m fine please help someone else I-”

“Everyone else has already received help or has someone caring for them. Stop running away you look just as much hurt” she objects, already fumbling with her stuff. 

Minho tries looking for his phone but when he doesn’t find it, he’s reminded that he left it with Hyunjin who was one of the first ones taken to the hospital. Because there’s too many of them and only one hospital close by, they are taking the most injured ones first while the rest receive first treatment while waiting for the signal that they can go. Minho obviously had refused to be treated first. “Can I please pass a phone call? I will let you do what you want after that.”

The woman looks at him suspiciously before she nods and hands him her own phone.

Minho gratefully takes the device and walks a couple of feet away to have some privacy.

Chan’s number, beside his mom’s, is the only one he knows by heart. He is always calling Chan, at least 4 times a day. _“Chan hyung, tell Hyunjin to stop or I’m shoving papers down his throat this is a warning”, “Channi hyung is it considered being impolite if I tell the choreographer to screw off? He talked trash about the moves Felix came up with when himself can’t put a damn foot in front of the other.”, “Hyung_ _come get your kids quickly I’m going to lose my mind and cook them for 30minutes in the oven!”, “Channi hyung I just finished practicing I’m going to pass by your studio let’s go home”._

He composes the number and wait as it rings three times.

“Hello?”

A wave of tears drown his eyes and he is blinded momentarily. “Hey, it’s me” he whispers back in a shaken voice.

“Minho! Did you get home? Why are you calling me, do you already miss me?” he is joyful tonight, tone energetic. Unknowing. Yes, Minho misses him. He misses his hyung and his smile. He misses the comfort he brings, the sense of security he covers the group with. He misses the Minho Chan knew. The one who didn’t witness any of the horror he saw tonight. The Minho that didn’t know that such immense pain could exist in a single heart. The Minho that carelessly laughed and lived. “Yeah” his throat feels like it’s drowning. A sob escapes his lips, shaking his back and lowering his head down in shame. “Yeah I miss you”

“Minho? Are you crying? What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

Is he hurt? He looks down at himself. Now that the adrenaline has washed off his body, his mind can finally asses his injuries. His head is pounding, blood dripping from his temple all the way down his neck. His legs are aching, and he can barely stand on one of his foot, relaying all his weight on the other. His side is gashing out blood, and when he puts his hand on it, it comes out sticky with blood. Nausea is disrupting his insides, a storm shaking and making him want to throw his head forward and gash out his heart. His hands, knees and face are scattered, some still bleeding others covered with dried blood. And suddenly, it’s hard to breath, as if his lungs are only now remembering that they shouldn’t be able to do such a simple task.

“Minho you’re scaring me what’s going on? Is this one of your pranks?”

Oh how he wishes it was. How he desperately wants to laugh it off and tell him that he was only fooling around. How badly Minho wishes that he is home, playing with his three cats and eating his mom’s soup. Chan isn’t allowed to be scared. Minho is. He is so terrified. What was Chan doing when Minho’s whole world was coming to a halt? Was Chan baking cookies with Felix while he was bleeding out on the snow under a starless sky? Was Chan laughing at a variety show when Minho was carrying on his back 25 years old pregnant Yujin away from the accident scene? Was Chan producing a song that won’t come out in a year or more when Minho was screaming his heart out to the bus that exploded with 24 people still inside waiting to be rescued? It’s cruel, pitiless and hideous but Minho wishes Chan had known. He wishes he could share at least one quarter of what he’s feeling. Wished he knew and had been worrying about Minho’s life. If he would make it or not. Isn’t it ironic how someone’s whole world is ending, coming to a brutal crash while someone else is blissfully unaware, living their life like nothing at all is happening? It’s selfish, but Minho wants Chan to cry with him. Wants him to hold him in his arms and whisper white lies; _Everything’s going to be okey._

Everything is never going to be okey.

“Minho-”

“I was in a car accident.”

Minho now remembers. He had been in this stupid damned bus. He was one of its passengers, sitting between little Hyunjin and a kindhearted middle-aged woman who was going to see her oldest daughter. She didn’t make it. Had still been trapped in the bus when it exploded and flew down the cliff.

The engine had started swinging right and left way before they crashed. The road was dark, slippery from the forming snow, and the driver had been drinking a translucent liquid Minho recognized as alcohol too late. One swing too much, the public transport had come crashing against a tree before it was turned to its side and hanged dangerously close to the cliff. Minho must have been ejected out of the window. He had switched his seat with Minjae and Eunjae because one of their seat belts wasn’t working. He had rolled to his side on the road before he came to an abrupt halt in the snow when his head had hit a rock. He had just wanted to enjoy his three days’ vacation with his mom and cats. Had it been too much to ask for?

“Hyung” he cuts Chan’s voice, unknowing what the older had been babbling about in a frantic panicked voice. “The bus I took. It crashed. Hyung I’m so scared” 

‘ _Please, hug me_.’ He wants to say. Heavy droplets cascade down his cheeks. He turns his head to the side. A camera is filming him. He stares at it.

“Where are you? Tell me where you are, Hyung is on his way where are you?”

Minho doesn’t understand what he’s saying. He’s in darkness and pain, isn’t that obvious?

“My mom” he rasps out. “My mom, don’t tell her” He wants to be able to hide in her arms. He misses her, like a child who misses his mom after she leaves him for the first time in kindergarten. “She has heart problems don’t tell her.” A tear rolls down his cheek. “I want to go home” his voice sounds so utterly broken in his own ears, and Minho almost wishes he could cry in pity to what he became.

Chan is screaming something, but Minho’s phone has slipped from his hand, falling on the ground.

He feels as his focus on the camera waver and the moment his body isn’t able to hold him up anymore. He feels the pain that jolts in his head when it hits the ground.

It’s dark. It hurts

\---

_“Stray Kids main dancer Lee Minho also know in his stage name as Lee Know has been seen in the scene of the accident that took place tonight at 9pm. He was looking seriously injured before he suddenly collapsed in front of the camera. The bus was transporting 50 passengers to-”_

The reporter kept talking, but Chan isn’t listening anymore. He had seen it; the live broadcast. Had met Minho’s eyes as he lifelessly stared at the camera, one hand to his ear as he spoke to him; _“The bus I took. It crashed. Hyung I’m so scared”_ had he said in a tone that Chan never heard from him. It was at the same time so tired, utterly exhausted, so pained and terrified.

An unknown number had showed up on his screen the moment he got back home. It had been Minho, which was nothing surprising. They got a couple of days off, and besides himself and Felix, everyone else went back home. Minho was the last one who left.

Panic escalated unto his nerves like a tsunami when Minho’s sob had resonated in his ears as he muttered words he never heard from his mouth; _“Yeah I miss you”_

Then, Chan had turned the corner toward the living room. Felix was sitting on the floor, watching the news with big wide eyes. Minho was in there, in the middle of the screen as police officers and ambulance lights ran past him. It looked like a scene from a movie _. “I was in a car accident.”_

The tsunami crashed down on him. It dragged him under crashing waves, submerging his lungs with distress and horror. This could not be happening. It couldn’t. This type of tragedy always happens to others. Not his members. Not his family.

Chan had said anything that possibly came to his mind. He had asked where Minho was, begged him to go find help in any of the ambulance behind him, anything stupid that stumbled out of his lips. Felix had turned around toward him, his eyes switching between Minho still staring at them through the screen and his leader in a confused state of disbelief and shock. The older Australian couldn’t bear to look unto his eyes. He couldn’t.

Then, Minho had collapsed. Falling headfirst unto the gravel and no one was there to catch him.

“MINHO” he had screamed, unable to hold himself back. Felix had started crying uncontrollably, but Chan didn’t have the strength to hold him. He kept staring at the screen as paramedic ran to Minho. The camera wavered, before the live cut off and the reporter came. _“Stray Kids main dancer Lee Minho-”_

The door suddenly opened, forcing Chan’s and Felix’s attention away from the screen. Their manager stumbled in, his eyes mirroring their own emotions. “Let’s go” he simply said.

Chan didn’t know how the manager figured out which hospital Minho had been taken too, and he couldn’t care less. He had made several calls as he drove, and although it wasn’t safe, the younger couldn’t find it in himself to call him out on it. He simply held Felix’s hands, forcing his tears to stay at bay. He wasn’t allowed to cry. Not yet.

“Minho’s mom. Minho didn’t want her to know.” Chan manages to say, remembering the dancer’s plea when they are finally standing inside the hospital.

“A manager was already sent to her house a while ago. They will accompany her here and let her know the news” the older man replies, running down the hospital’s wings. “She should already be he-”

The three stops short in their run. Minho’s mom is standing with a man besides her facing the front desk. When she notices them, she doesn’t say anything, only pursing her lips and nodding at Chan and Felix with tearful eyes. The leader can’t look at her in the eyes; he has let her down. He wasn’t able to protect Minho like he had promised he would with all his members. How can anyone ever be able to forgive him?

“Lee Minho is in room 0325. You will find a doctor there who will let you know more about his state”

The doctor in question, when they finally get there, smiles at them tiredly, her sleeves pulled up and sweat dropping from her forehead. “Lee Minho’s family? Give me a second.” She flips the papers in her clipboard. “He is stable, thankfully, but he is in a pretty ugly state.” She puts her finger on one of the papers and read out loud. “Hypothermia, broken rib, concussion, broken ankle, multiple cuts and bruises. The most severe injury here is the concussion and hypothermia but they well taken care of, it shouldn’t cause him much trouble. We will give you instructions about how to take care of his concussion when we will find it benefit to release him.” her voice is rushed and emotionless, as if she’s telling them that she ate something particularly bad tonight. She lifts her eyes toward them. “We put him in a common room with twelve of the other victims. If you want to get him a private one, please talk with the secretary. Any questions?”

There’s a tense shocked silence before Minho’s mom starts crying, terribly shaking while Chan hold her shoulders to help her stay upright. “My baby, my poor baby, my only child” she whimpers.

“Madam don’t cry” The doctor’s face softens, and she gestures to Chan to make her sit on the chairs behind them. When he complies, she crouches in front of the older woman. “Don’t cry Minho’s mom, you should smile and be proud of your son. Every victim that was brought in tonight only talked about him and how he saved their lives”

Chan, Felix, the two managers and Minho’s mom lifts their head toward the doctor, face merged unto shock and confusion.

“You son is a hero” she whispers, squeezing her hands. “He saved 26 lives. As the only one being able to stand and walk, he risked his life going inside the bus and getting 26 people out. 26.” When no one says anything, she continues. “The police weren’t able to locate them fast enough because of the bad signal they were in. Minho did almost all the job himself.” She offers the elder a comforting smile. “He is already awake actually, ordering us right and left to help this patient and that one. He is one of the strongest and bravest man I met in my life.”

“I-is that true?” Minho’s mom whispers, whipping her tears. “Come with me” the doctor says, helping her up. She walks toward a room down the hall and stops when she is in front of it. “Lee Minho! What did I say about getting up? You have a concussion, a broken rib and ankle! Go sit back down before I tie you to the bed!” 

“But grandma Lee needs to sit up and she can’t do it alone!”

Chan takes a step forward. Minho comes into view. He looks awful. His head is wrapped in a bandage, a hospital dress hanging above his bruised legs. His left foot is held in a cast and he’s moving around using crutches. There are dark purple bags under his eyes, and multiple cuts are decorating his face. However, a bright smile is decorating his bluish lips.

“That’s my and the nurses job sweetheart”

“Shhh” Minho whispers, jumping around in his crutches to reach another bed where a small boy is sleeping. He pulls the covers over his small body. “Well, if you did your job proper-” he halts in his speech when his eyes meet the small crowd of people standing by the door. “Mom” he whispers when he sees the tearful woman approaching him. He moves forward to reach her. His mom’s tears spill on her cheeks once again, and she crosses the distance that separated them to securely wrap him in her arms. Minho lowers his head unto her shoulder, taking a deep breath of her scent. He never felt as much relief and happiness to see someone in his whole life. A sob tries to shake his chest, but he holds it in. Exhaustion floods his veins once again, and he wants nothing more than to head home and curl in his bed with his mom and cats.

Chan, his hand still unconsciously holding Felix’s, quietly leaves the room. As much as he wants to bury Minho in his arms and lever let him go, he has the common sense to give the two some privacy. The vast room where Minho and 12 other victims are being treated in has its lights half turned off; most of its occupants either still unconscious or simply asleep from the eventful and shocking night. He wouldn’t want to make a fuss and be loud when so many people are gravely hurt in the same room.

“Hyung?”

He adjusts his eyes, meeting Felix’s pleading ones. He looks so utterly hurt and confused. The older Australian smiles through his own pain while gently petting the younger’s hair. “It’s going to be alright Lix, it’s a promise”

Chan throws a glance to their two managers who walked away to talk on the phone. He removes his own from his pocket. Changbin, Jisung, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin has each called him at least forty times each. He had texted in the group chat that they would be the first to know once he has more news, and to absolutely stay where they are; meaning their parents’ house. Then, he had simply put his phone on mute as panic, guilt and sorrow raged inside him. He felt bad for ignoring them, but Chan barely managed to look Felix’s in the eyes when the boy was right beside him, he wouldn’t have been able to receive his brother’s hundred sickly worried questions when he hadn’t known anything himself.

Pulling him out of his spiralling thoughts, Felix drags both of them to sit on the floor, their intertwined fingers never separating. “Calling the others?” He asks when his leader opens the group chat to make a group call. Chan nods, putting the phone on speaker as it rings, Felix’s head resting on his shoulder.

It answers on the second ring. Multiple voices start shouting above each other. Changbin is the loudest, eventually managing to shut off the others, “HOW’S MINHO HYUNG? CHAN HYUNG, HOW’S MINHO HYUNG?”

“He’s fine, I promise, stop screaming and take a deep breath in.” The leader orders in a controlled voice that effectively manages to stop the other’s from sputtering any more words. Chan feels horrible. It feels like he is lying to them between his teeth. Minho isn’t fine. He has a broken rib and a broken leg. Hypothermia, a fucking concussion and a trauma he might never be able to recover from. He saw dead bodies all around him and people more injured the ones after the others. He had called Chan for help, his leader, his older brother, but all Chan was able to do is stare at a stupid screen while Minho collapsed in front of his eyes with no one there to prevent the younger’s head from hitting the hard gravel. Minho is _not_ fine.

“H-Hyung I-” it’s Jisung, voice trembling and unsure. “I saw him on the news” his voice breaks. “I saw him collapse.”

“Me too” Jeongin says. “Me too” Hyunjin, and then Seungmin. “Me as well.”

“A friend sent me the video.” Changbin darkly follows.

Minho collapses behind Chan’s eyelids all over again. ‘ _I want to go home’_

Felix squeezes his hand, bringing him back to the present. He squeezes back. “I know. I saw it too. And more people will see it. Be ready and expect it to be in headlines everywhere and receive multiple calls and texts about the incident.” About Minho’s accident. About Minho’s near-death experience. He couldn’t bring his voice to say it out load. “But none of it matters. All that is important is Minho’s safety and recovery.”

No one says anything. He can only hear their sniffles and poorly contained cries. How he wishes he can hold them in his arms right now.

“Where’s Felix Hyung? Where are you guys?” Jeongin asks.

Chan glances at the boy on his shoulder. The younger doesn’t make a move to show his presence. “He’s besides me.”

Everyone expresses their sadness differently. Felix does it by castrating himself in silence, and all the members knows each other enough not to comment about it. “We’re in the hospital. We just saw the doctor and Minho’s mom is with him while me and Lix are waiting in the hall.” He purposefully doesn’t mention the dancer’s injuries.

Seungmin speaks first after a short silence. “Back then, in the live stream. Hyung looked so...”

“Minho was so strong-” Chan starts before a voice cut him off.

“Don’t talk about me like I’m dead”

“MINHO” Hyunjin screams through the call, followed along by the rest of the members. Felix even lifts his head; eyes sparkly and relieved smile.

“Yes yes stop screaming the nurses will hear me I’m not supposed to have my phone right now” he whispers, making everyone suddenly stop shouting and talking above each other. “I’m too tired to talk with you guys, but I just want to let you know that If I ever see a single one of your ugly faces here, you will eat toilet paper for the rest of your miserable lives. _Wet_ toilet paper.”

Minho, much different from Felix, expresses his pain with jokes and incessant talking and movements. It worries Chan, the fact that the dancer doesn’t express his feelings as easily as the rest, but it’s always so heartwarming to hear his sarcastic sharp remarks.

“HYUUUNG” Changbin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jisung and Jeongin all whines at the same time. Chan can almost see Minho rolls his eyes as he exasperatedly sighs. “A hospital is not a fan meeting, everyone here needs rest and care, I don’t want to hear your load voices.” Everyone knows that it’s not the only reason, that he is saying this because he is putting them before himself, but no one mentions it. They know they won’t be allowed to come any time soon, until JYPE has taken care of the situation and deemed it safe to bring the rest of the members.

“But Hyung we want to be there for you” Felix speaks for the first time. “You don’t need to be physically here to do that. Just bring me gifts when we go back home”

“You better recover fast then” Changbin’s voice is unusually unstable, like when it is when he is crying. “My gift has a 24h expiration date”

Minho’s laugh resonates through the call. It’s a much shorter and softer one than usual. _‘Lee Minho! Is that a phone in your ear?’_ The doctor’s voice asks behind him. “I need to go. See ya”

And with that, Minho has left the call as quickly as he came in. Still, the mood has significantly improved. “I also need to go. I promise to keep you update. Like Minho said, just stay where you are and don’t come back to the company or dorms yet.” Chan instructs, watching the two managers approach Minho’s room. He hangs up and stands back up the moment they quietly go in.

“Minho? We bought you a private room. Nurses will come to take you the-“

“No”

Minho’s sharp tone surprises everyone. Chan takes a step forward to have a view on his brother’s bed right in front of the door, Felix following close by. “Mom, can you go get me some food in the cafeteria? I’m starving.”

Minho’s mom nods even if she looks unconvinced. Once she’s gone, he sits up on his bed to face his two members and his two managers. “I’m not leaving this room” he says with a blank face.

“Minho, you will be able to recover faster if-“ the manager tries again before the idol cuts him.

“If you want to get a private hospital room, go give it to Yujin Noona who just lost her unborn child” he stands, although his legs are shaking. He doesn’t know how he is looking like right now, certainly horrible, but he can’t help glaring at the older man with all his unspilled anger and frustration. “Or you can give it to Ms. Lee who’s 79 years old and has been alone since she arrived here HOURS AGO!” He can feel his eyes start stinging, but he lowers his voice above a whisper and continues. “Or I don’t know, to Hyunjin and her mom who barely have enough money to pay for the hospital bills. To Minjae and Eunjae whose father is still in emergency, unknowing if he’ll make it or not” his vision is now so blurry that he can barely see their faces. “To Ji-hoon who lost his father tonight! To the two students that had to be transferred to another hospital because this one is too crowded. Buy coffee to all the staff who had to run all night treating, healing, comforting and saving us!” Minho is having so much trouble not to scream right now. The tears finally are allowed to run down on his face, and although it hurts to see Chan’s and Felix’s sorrowful faces, he can’t look away or stop. It hurts. He can’t express how much he’s in pain other than repeating that it hurts like a mantra. Oh how will he ever be able to smile again? “To the 24 families who will bury their daughters, sons, fathers, mothers and grandparents because a fucking bus slipped on a fucking road.”

Minho spits the last words like venom on his tongue. Chan makes a tentative step toward him just as the dancer’s chest starts violently shaking with sobs. He opens his arms to him, just like the leader had done when Minho had been eliminated. So long ago. In another life, with another Minho. It’s ironic how puerile everything suddenly becomes when you have stood one step too close to death. When you had looked at it in its empty eyes. Just like he had done back then, just like he had so eagerly wanted to do since he woke up in that red coloured bed of snow, Minho lets his body falls in Chan’s arms. “I let them die” he hiccups between tears and snorts. “They died because of me.” The words tear him apart. He’s terrified of the possibility that Chan will push him away and glare at him with disdain. After all Minho had stood there as the bus exploded and fell down the cliff with people possibly still alive inside, waiting to be rescued, waiting for Minho to pull them out like he had done with the others. They were dead and he had only stared.

“Minho- Minho look at me” Chan pushes his face back, gently grabbing his cheeks so Minho would meet his eyes. “You saved 26 lives.” He says with a strong voice. “26 people are able to continue living thanks to _you_ ” his leader’s eyes are bloodshot, ears red. His voice breaks. “You couldn’t have saved the rest Minho. No one could’ve. We are only human.” His tears start falling like a waterfall before he brings him back to his arms, tightening his hold on him. “We could have lost you Min. I could have lost you. Thank you for surviving.”

Minho sniffles, trying his best to stop his chest from repeatedly heaving and shaking. He meets eyes with Felix quietly crying behind them, still standing beside the two managers. The older dancer reaches a hand toward him, and when Felix almost runs to them, he securely wraps it around his neck. Minho hides his face in Chan’s shoulder, his head squeezed between his leader’s head and Felix’s. Then, he liberally cries.

It’s good to finally be home.

**Author's Note:**

> Okey wow what a ride. 
> 
> I don't really know if you guys liked it, but I hope you did and I hope I didn't make you cry too much hahah. I teared up myself while writing it. There are some very heavy parts in this and I hesitated but I didn't remove them bc this is the concept of the story you know? Life can be so horrible and cruel and that's just how things are.
> 
> Anyway, hopefully the small fluff part in the end with the members eased your hearts and made you smile. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and comments are always so much appreciated ~~~
> 
> EDIT : I can't stop thinking abt this work and I feel like it's incomplete. I might write part2 but idk, let me know if you would be interested in more part to this ~~~


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